Rover sucked on Saturday night. Band was alright though. The amount of douchebaggery behind the bar is at an all time high.

Not that it would matter to me but someone needs to open a bar for the old people in town. Huge market for it and they have the funds to get the spendy drinks. Have a lounge setup with a Jazz band on weekends. It would make a killing.

I know I haven't given an update in a while, sorry I have been busy with research.

A couple updates:

1. The Rover is going downhill fast. They are on a slippery slope and look to be going the way of the Roaster, and that cheesy Hawaiian bar (both used to be in the same venue and went out of business). It is obvious that the Rover makes a lot of money and is always crowded, but the management will end up being the down fall of this place. I understand the need for authenticity but when you have drunk people running the joint there is bound to be conflict.

I was eating a pre-bender dinner in the Thai restaurant next door the other day and I saw the owner go into the office (out past the back patio) and let’s just say he came out looking like he just ate 20 powdered sugar doughnuts. I guess this is common practice in the service industry so whatever.

Lastly, they need to fire their fuckin HR director because they keep on firing there fun, good looking, hard working employees and hiring scumbags.

The Rover is still one of the more fun bars in town but I don’t think their operating style is sustainable.

Enough said.

2. Lake Street Grill emailed me and asked me to come in and check out their new "ambiance" and give an updated review. They said they are under new management and have improved their "scene". They also informed me of the nights they charge cover. Here is the update: “Currently we have no cover Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday.”

Ok Lake Street, you do a couple things and I will come back in and write a better review.

Do not try to be a club, this is Kirkland, this is an upscale town and neighborhood. You trying to be a club just attracts a lot of riff-raff from out-of-town, who come to Kirkland and get DUIs which is lowering my property value. There is no need to advertise your shitty DJs and dancing, it just brings in all the douche bags from Kent, Marysville, Kenmore and Tukwila. Please, our cops have better things to do like getting cats out of trees and my tax dollars shouldn’t go to overnights in the Kirkland jail.

You saw what happened to Dynamite and Big Daddy’s Right?

To remedy above DUIs try Annie’s Ride home (see older post)

I understand you probably have out of this world rent in your location and so need a ton of customers to squeeze out a drip of profit. But try to elevate your clientele a bit. Try going with a classier decor. Wouldn’t you rather have fewer customers, who are willing to pay more? Try to stay away from being the Wal-Mart of bars. You could steal the clientele from Hector’s especially if they have to close down to remodel that building. There is going to be a niche for a high-end lounge with Calabria moving and Hector’s (and possibly Lucia) closing for remodels. How about some better music too.

I guess what I am getting at it that you attract stupid eastside douche bags who like to spill out into the street and fight every Friday night. This is not what Kirkland needs.

Try something new and maybe you’ll fall somewhere in the middle s but at least it’ll be an improvement.

3. The central is still going strong. I know it sounds kind of stupid for a dude to take jell-o shots at a bar. But if you go there order one for yourself, a chic friend and the bartender (as an excuse to try them). They are really strong and the bartender can take them with her tongue and expects you to do the same.

4. Do I really have to mention Tiki Joe’s? Besides the meat market status, it is just too small, especially when you have half the special teams roster of the Seahawks in there. They need to spend less time at Tiki’s and Lake Street and more time practicing. Maybe the rest of us would have a chance with the girls and we might have a reason to get up hung-over on Sundays.

5. Hector’s has some hot server chics for brunch in the mornings on weekends. What ever you do though do not sit in the bar for breakfast. There is an old maid server that barks at you “whadda you want” and probably chain smokes cigarettes in the back on her break. Plus there is a TV in the back room and you can usually catch a game depending on the season.

That’s it for now.

Let me know what bars I should review next.

I heard the old Juanita Bay Pub, the one that was filled with old alcoholics and had a volley ball court, just re-opened as J-bay or J-bar or something. A couple of my friends went and said it is a mix between Joey’s and Hooters. Anyone that’s been around Kirkland for a while knows it can’t be too classy but hey, who knows, it could be fun! It might be a good place to go for a shot on the way to 7-11 to get more beer while on the tie-up.

Where is the Justice?...2 stars for Lucia?

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/restaurants/2008019294_cicero27.html

Some D-bag from the Seattle Times rated Lucia a 2 out of 5 stars?...Who the fuck is this guy... Can someone please start a website that critiques the critics?...please. Ok so his initial assessment is fair, decent description and the service is always amazing but then he just runs a train on the food.

..."The rest of the youthful staff is equally anxious to please, but food-wise Lucia's performance is erratic.Despite the menu's ambitions, a lot of people still come for pizzas, and I can see why. "..."Clunky sauces undermined some entrees as well. A gelatinous beurre blanc accompanied chicken Milanese, an otherwise perfectly nice chicken breast that was flattened" …

Is it just me or is this guy a pretentious snob. I can agree that this is no Cafe Juanita and not even an Anthony's but it is deserves more than 2 stars. It is obvious by the menu and prices they don’t try to be these other places. That would be like comparing a hot Brazilian soft porn star with a cute, alternative Seattle hipster chic...its apples and oranges, they are both good and good looking but incomparable.

Back to websites that critique critics. So the guy that wrote this, his name is Providence Cicero. Are you kidding me, I hope that’s his pen name, right off the bat he sounds like an ass hole.

I wish there was a website where you could type in Providence Cicero, and it popped up all his ratings versus public opinion. Like Providence Cicero: consistently under rates restaurants if the if the female servers don't flirt with him, has constant halitosis, and needs a haircut.

Who knows what happen before he got to Lucia, he could have tripped on the side walk outside, he could have drank sour milk, shit he could have walked into his house and caught his wife nailing a much younger better looking guy? Who knows, but there is no justification for a bad review on a good place.

I wouldn't trust this guy. I'd go to Lucia and get great food for great happy hour prices.

Here is Providence's LinkedIn profile link:

http://www.linkedin.com/pub/5/563/2B2


Just because you worked for the Pittsburgh Press in college then, worked in corporate communications doesn't mean you will have a decent palette or will know how to write.

Here is Providence's email address. providencecicero@aol.com. If you agree with me please email him and let him know what you think. HAHA, funny that the Seattle times doesn't respect his opinion enough to give him a full time position. OUCH.

Lucky 7 Sports Bar: chicken gizzards and the coldest beer in town

Lucky 7 Sports bar has been a staple of the totem lake strip mall bar scene for years. This place is a classic sports bar dive with hints of contemporary blue collar meathead. If you find your self deep in totem lake just minutes away from kick off before a Seahawks game, don't risk trying to make it, pull over here and watch the first half.

They claim to have the coldest beer in town. It is pretty cold but I am not sure the coldest, cold enough for me to get a brain freeze from slugging a pint though. Their other claim to shame or maybe it's their specialty menu item, but they serve chicken gizzards. Mmmm, any place that has chicken gizzards and fettuccini alfredo on the same menu has to be classy. Although I am not sure who would want a plate of fettuccini alfredo while guzzling pitcher of PBR, probably the same people that eat the chicken gizzards.

Last time I was there for a Seahawks game the waitress (she was pretty hot) totally hit on me right in front of my girlfriend. She was telling me about how she was in school to be a dental assistant or some shit, it was pretty funny. This place is exactly what you think it is when you drive by, no surprises. I actually do enjoy going here for sports, it is just a hassle to get too and from, because it is pretty deep.


Time and Place to go: Go for any sporting event that has some significance. I wouldn’t go for a Mariner’s game, mariners games are like a fly in the house, more of an annoyance than entertainment. Seahawks games are fun, so are playoff games, nothing like chicken gizzards and the playoffs.

12715 NE 124th StKirkland, WA 98034
(425) 821-7717

www.thelucky7.com

Dready dude at the Rover

This pic was taken at the Wilde Rover, and you might not be able to see it but this guy has dread locks.

It is really refreshing to finally see dreads on a black guy. There are too many white people that have dread locks these days. Dreads are what happen when black people grow their hair out and then don’t wash it. White people actually have to go to a hair salon and have their hair dreaded...so fuckin stupid. They aren't Rasta; they look silly, and have horrible hygiene. White people with dreads are pretty much walking oxymorons.

This guy was pretty awesome, he was wearing a back pack, was high fiving people, and having a great time. He is like the zany, fun uncle that that you wish you had. You only see him once every couple of years and when you were a little kid let you eat ice cream for breakfast.

If you see him out buy him a beer, The Rover needs a little more diversity and you will be like a fun version of affirmative action.

The Central Tavern: By far the best bar to get a pint and play a game of pool

The Central Tavern in Kirkland is not located on Central Way. It is located on Kirkland Ave. This place is by far the best place in town to get a pint and hang out. This is corroborated by all the locals you see in the place. Shoobies don't really know where it is, and can't seem to find it.

The Central Tavern has the most affordable alcohol in Down Town Kirkland, which means if they can sell alcohol for that price, everyone in Kirkland can charge the same prices. My conclusions are that the owners of the central are the only honest bar owners in town.

Pair this with the Bartenders and this place works great. The bartenders at the Central (there are only two) are so on point that even though the place is packed you will get you your drink (which is stiff) before there is condensation on the glass.

It is so chill you can find the mayor of Kirkland in their once in awhile having drinks and playing pool. For that matter he isn't very good, last time I saw him in there I think he scratched on an easy 8-ball shot. He might have been drunk, who knows.

My only gripe is that the central is pretty small so it can be hard to really stretch your legs on a Friday night. Either way it is still a blast, and a great place to chill any night. It is by far the best place for a pint in Kirkland.

Note: Shoobies are any visitors from out of town, someone who is not a local.

Lucia: RIP Mama

I know this is a restaurant to most people but once they got rid of Mama and put in a Bar it turned into a great back room hideout. This place is probably number one on my list for prefunking on Thursday.

Lucia, previously Mama Lucias is a restaurant in Kirkland Parkplace. Mama Lucia’s has been around for a while; I think I was like 12 when it first opened. Recently it was remodeled and the menu changed a bit, turning it into Lucia. When this happened, they made some room for a bar. This was their best move.

Valhalla: take your shitty frat bar back to pullman

Valhalla Bar and Grill…in Kirkland. This place was really just un-fun last time I went. I am not sure if it because they are trying to import their shitty Pullman Palouse culture to Kirkland or what (the original Valhalla is in Pullman).

I have as much fun as the next guy when it comes to a shit show weekend in Pullman and I like going for the apple cup, but I would never live there. Pullman is like a party house in college, everyone likes to have friends that live at the party house but no one likes to live in that kind of filth themselves. Enough about Pullman.

Valhalla is in a strip mall on Rose Hill and unlike the one in Pullman (next to a Pita Pit) it is next to a Dry Cleaner and a PetCo.

Its about an 8 dollar cab ride up the hill from down town Kirkland. When I went we got like 2 blocks away when we could hear the music blaring. I was thinking wow, it must be crazy tonight! Nope, it turns out the DJ just plays the music really REALLY loud. There were about a dozen people in the place with maybe two dancing.

They had one of those projector screens on the wall with a video feed of the dance floor, what a stupid idea and how vain can people be. Watching yourself dancing is like watching that scene in swingers where Jon Favreau calls the girl 10 times in one night...Its just very awkward. Those two people and these people are like Elaine in Seinfeld, oblivious to their own retardedness.

The music they were playing was so horrible, like stupid 80s pop songs. I never went to one but I can imagine it is probably like a gay club in the Castro District of San Fran during the 90s.

We stuck around for 2 pints and it didn't get any better. You can't even hear the people you are playing pool with. It was a pretty much a waste of 8 dollars, the carbon emissions that it took to get up the hill and the cab drivers time. This bar works great in Pullman, but it sucks in Kirkland.

Time and Place to Go: I wouldn't go for any reason but maybe if you found yourself walking from Pub 85 to down town, were already really drunk and saw the hot chic that you had a crush on in high school go in, maybe. Actually try it if you are underage with a fake, I heard they aren't very strict with IDs. For that matter if you are looking to hook up with an Underage chic, you might want to go there too.

Go to their MySpace Profile (below) when you are sad, you'll probably laugh and it'll cheer you up.

8544 122nd Ave NE Kirkland, WA 98033
(425) 827-3336
They dont have a website but here is their MySpace URL
http://www.myspace.com/valhalla85th

Lake Street Grill: how many times does somebody have to get this spot wrong?

The Lake Street Grill is a decent sized bar on the blvd just past Kirkland avenue. It has a big dance floor, a couple of pool tables and a lot of meatheads. They usually charge cover, even when nothing is going on. This is probably why on Wednesday nights at 10 it is dead inside (I walk by at night during the week and there is usually no one in the place). It kind of blows me away that they charge cover so much I wouldn't go in there if it was free and they gave me 5 bucks for a drink.

This place has turned over like 5 different times, since I have been old enough to drink. You would think after the last five bar owners tried to create a club here, (all went out of business) that the current one would do his due diligence and not try to make this spot a club. Clubs don’t belong in Kirkland; people go to Belltown and Pioneer square to go to clubs. It’s like they are trying import summer jam to Kirkland or something.


But hey if you are looking for a (half ass) club atmosphere and a lot of meatheadish dudes, this is your place. You will be ignored by the bar tenders, hassled by the bouncers and then mean mugged by the patrons, just not in the classy way that you would get it in Seattle. If this sounds interesting visit soon, this bar/club will probably not make in Kirkland much longer.

Time and Place to Go: umm....like most of the other shitty bars in Kirkland go when you are already really drunk. I have gone at like 12:30 before and with a little bit of haggling they let me in with out paying cover. I also heard rumors that they have beer pong tournaments on Sunday nights but I have never been and I can't confirm they are still doing it.

If you do go later when you are wasted, on like Thursday through Saturday, be sure to walk about half a block down the street (a safe distance), around 1:45 am. Wait there for a few minutes. People come out of Lake Street around this time and fights happen like clock work. Odds are on any given weekend night you will catch a pretty good 15 minute scuffle.


15 Lake St Kirkland, WA 98033
(425) 822-8386
Another one with no website, is this amateur hour?

Here is there MySace:

http://www.myspace.com/tjsonlakest

The Shark?....I thought Kirkland had a no Tukwila/Kent/Maple Valley/Arlington policy

So did you know there are actually dating websites for people with STDs?... Instead of paying 21.99 a month to talk to someone else with Herpes online you can just go to the Shark and pay the cover and talk to them in person.

This place gets so ghetto on Thursdays that you have to plan an outfit with neutral gang colors, I'd go with pastels or earth tones. It used to be ladies night Thursdays which is code for meat market but now they are calling it paparazzi Thursday or something. The line goes out the door; I am not sure what the attraction is because all the girls I see going there are pretty sub-standard. It’s like going to the same meat market that jack-in-box got its meat from in the 90s, contaminated with the proverbial e-coli. Anyone that buys into the Shark hype should stay down in Kent.

They keep on advertising a bikini battle next Wednesday too, huh?...I think that kind of sleaze is indicative of the patronage. Kirkland isn't Cabo, plus all the girls they have on their website (the ones on the poster are guaranteed airbrushed and not in the contest) look like washed up cougars, that are trying to revive a b-league modeling career. Just because you were on page 43 of low rider in 97’ doesn't mean you should dawn a Bikini at The Shark.

Time and Place to go: They actually have weekday drink specials that aren't too bad (cheap if you don’t mind drinking long islands all night). The free pool is nice too. Go when it is empty, which is ussually sunday through wednesday, that way you can get a pool table and drinks quickly. I would avoid it on the weekends, I hear that cover gets as high as 20 bucks. No matter how empty it is I'd still see your doctor for vaccination the next day, you can never play it too safe.


52 Lake Shore Plz
Kirkland, WA 98033
425) 803-3003
http://www.thesharkclub.com/


http://www.thesharkclub.com/club/calendar.htm

Time Out Sports Bar: Are you Kidding me?...

Time Out Sports Bar? 218 Central Way, in Kirkland. This bar is by far one of the grimiest pubs in the region and has the décor of a shitty college bar. I mean at least the other dives in Kirkand (Totem Lake) present themselves as dives, this place posts up like Cinderella, you can't put a prom dress on a turd and call it the belle of the ball.

Time Out Sports Bar is like one of those college bars that you used to go to on Wednesday night when your roommate convinced you to go out and play pool. The thing is there are no colleges in Kirkland (if you are thinking North West College I guarantee you will see their students studying the book of Romans in perks lounge before you see them in Time Out) The real irony lies with the patrons. There are certainly no college students or grads in Time Out. I bet half the patrons would score less than a 600 on the SATs...if they took them. I mean if you want to see the Lake Washington High school class of 98 getting sloppy drunk with some chic they found on Craigslist from Kent, go to Time Out.

The good thing about Time Out and it is a stretch to find a few, are the prices. There is probably one other place in Downtown Kirkland you can drink that cheap on the regular. I like there 22s of budlight (yeah mike's hard budlight). The other good thing is that my good friend has the record on their pop-a-shot game, and he has JV basketball skills at best.

Oh I couldn’t find my own image of Time Out so I googled it, this is the pic that came up.

Time and Place to go: I go around the holidays because they stay open even on Christmas Eve till two am. You can go there for thanksgiving dinner if you want. I would also go earlier in the evening for a beer because it isn't packed with all the yokels that frequent it at night. Good place to prefunk on the cheap before you go to the real bar.

218 Central WayKirkland, WA 98033
(425) 822-8511
HAHAHA, pretty funny that they don't have a website

Tiki Joe's: so thats where all the D-bags went when the K-pub closed

Ok Tiki Joes Wet Bar. This place is the size of a tuna can and usually so filled with D-bags that you will probably think that you went to Chelan for Memorial Day weekend. This picture is a little outdated, they took out part of this wall and put in a railing (yeah a fuckin railing like that’s going to really open up the place).

Anyway they serve pretty good drinks, but nothing special. It is so hard to get a drink though that you will be waiting around sober ogling the occasional hot chic.

The Bouncers here are hit or miss, one night I saw them throw a dude around pretty bad, he looked like he was going to wake up with some cuts and bruises and not know where they came from. Another time they let me in with out carding me with a smile that was as cordial has my grandma's neighbor when I visit her at Evergreen court.

I would say only go here if you are already pretty drunk, and have enough drunken delusions to make you think you can pick up some late night ass. Who knows you might get lucky and go home with the girl who had one too many Washington Red Apples.

FYI this used to be the biggest dive bar in Kirkland, it was called Smokey Joe’s. Bikers were the only ones that hung out there and I think it could legitimately be called a bandito’s hang out.

Time and Place to go: The only time I step foot in Tiki Joe's is when I am already very drunk, so maybe Friday or Saturday at like midnight. The side effects of being in such a hot mess don't seem to be as effective when you are so drunk (like when you are sick and get drunk, after like 7 or 8 beers you feel 100% but when you wake up in the morning it feels like you got hit by a train)

106 Kirkland AveKirkland, WA 98033
(425) 827-8300
http://www.tikijoeswetbar.com/





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Anna's Ride Home-- Save a Few Bucks and Maybe a Life

Anna's Ride home is a free cab service for people that are too drunk to drive. There are quite a few places in Kirkland that give the free cab ride...chances are that you have or do party at a bar that gives you a free cab, just ask the bar tender or bouncer. Here is what they say about it:

"Through partnerships with local bars and taxi cab companies the Anna Armstrong White Foundation has created Anna’s Ride Home.

Our goal is not to stop people from drinking, but to establish a way for people to enjoy themselves and get home safely.

Our free cab voucher program is currently sponsored in 32 bars in the Puget Sound, and has kept over 4,000 intoxicated drivers off the road since 2003."

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2001869965_anna03e.html

Here are the places you can get the voucher memorize them, and try to make it your last stop, cabs can be expensive and so can DUIs!

The Baltic Room Seattle
The Central Saloon Seattle
Cowgirls, Inc. Seattle
Fado Irish Pub & Restaurant Seattle
Horse and Cow Bar & Grill Bremerton
Johnny's Sports Bar & Grill Edmonds
J & M Cafe and Cardroom Seattle
Lady Luck's Cowgirl Up Steakhouse & Saloon Tacoma
Level 5 Seattle
Liquid Lime Kirkland
Marina Park Grill Kirkland
McClouds Bremerton
Mondo's Pub Lynnwood
MoonDogs, Too Port Orchard
19th Hole Tavern Bremerton
Palmer's East Redmond
The Parlor Billiards & Spirits Bellevue
Pyramid Brewing Seattle
Rocksport Bar & Grill Seattle
Romeo's Bar & Grill Bremerton
R Bar and Grill Renton
R Place Bar & Grill Seattle
Safeco Field Seattle
The Shark Club Kirkland
Tiki Joe's Wet Bar Kirkland
Time Out Kirkland
21 Central Kirkland
Uncle Jack's Billiards & Lounge Lynnwood
Victory Lounge Seattle
Wilde Rover Kirkland

http://www.annasridehome.com/

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The Wilde Rover... Down Town Kirkland's Best or Worse Bar

Yeah the Rover is better than the Shark Club, and it beats Time Out but do we really need to pay 4.50 for a bottle of beer?

The Rover is at 111 Central Way in Kirkland if you don't already know about it. It is a large Irish pub with legitimate Irish owners. The only one more fresh off the boat than Billy (the owner) is his cousin Alex, who sounds like he has already had 15 shots of Jameson at 3 pm. All in all it is pretty great idea, legit bar in Down Town Kirkland with a patio and area for a band.

The place where they go wrong is that the Wilde Rover hires total d-bags for employees and cranks up the prices 30% more than any other place. Yeah you say this is like all other bars but I say bullshit. I am willing to pay the extra money for drinks if the bar has hot chics dancing on tables, or maybe some great gimmick like 100 beers on tap, but the Rover has really smelly bathrooms and pool tables that curve to the left ( looking towards the deck). They don't even have a drink happy hour, their only happy hour is like 1 hour a week discounting bar food. Nobody wants their sloppy, smelly curry fries for one dollar off (yeah CURRY, as in India) .

Not all the staff is bad there are actually a few great people, and the waitresses are great (good looking and very nice), but that doesn't justify the negative. The Rover being the best bar in Kirkland is like being the smartest kid in the special ed classes, you are still a retard. The Wilde Rover is a bit greedy, is ill run, and possibly in need a new HR guy.

Time and Place to Go:

Wednesday there is pub Quiz night, drinks are still spendy but at least it isn't too crowded. You can also make some money if you win, my buddies actually got second place one week and won like 70 bucks. Dan Purser Plays on Thursday nights, they are great and it is fun. As of now there is no cover for Dan Purser so at least you won’t have to pay to get in to the bar and over charged on drinks.

http://www.wilderover.com/
111 Central Way, Kirkland, WA 98033
(425) 822-8940
info@wilderover.com

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